A Reason To Be Kind: Foreclosures, Suicides and Depression
Since reading about the troubling headline and story of the woman who killed herself 90 minutes before her foreclosed home was scheduled to be auctioned, I've been reflecting on moments of kindness that were probably missed that could have prevented this tragedy. Experts say that it is not uncommon for homeowners facing foreclosure to have suicidal thoughts--and with the rise of foreclosure rates all across the country I can't help but wonder how many of our neighbors, loved ones and friends are "undiagnosed" as being in this category. Because of pride and shame most individuals would never be forthright and tell those around them burdens of this magnitude. Because of this, it's so important to simply be kind, and genuinely compassionate when dealing with people since we never really know what they are going through that is making them behave the way they are. Who knows? Your act of kindness may turn a situation completely around. When I read United Way's success story of George Capanigro, who was homeless and living on Boston Common at one point comment that, only one person really talked to him and that made a difference in him turning his life around, I thought--kindness makes the difference.
I learned this lesson when my often truant classmate who wanted to share notes before class suddenly stopped attending school. We were never friends outside of this class and truthfully, I didn't even know her last name or how she spelled her first. Her only existence to me was the 45 minutes we shared in U.S. History. Her attendance continued to drop until she dropped out. It took a few weeks for someone to fill her seat. While her chair was empty I often wondered but never asked about her, assuming it was another bout of truancy on her part. One day we were simply told that she killed herself shortly after dropping out, that she had been depressed and nothing else was said. Had I really been kind and attentive outside of sharing notes and polite exchanges of "hi, how are you" perhaps I could have been a friend, a resource, or a person who noticed a red flag--maybe she would have had a chance? Looking back I see the missed opportunities and have since learned to be simply be kind.
Be kind and pass it on.
Foreclosures, Suicide and Depression
But for the grace of God, there go I. Unfortunately, many people go around not wanting to burder others. But God sends angels in many different forms to help bear your burdens. If I had not put my pride aside and shared my "bad thoughts" with someone, I could have been in the same place. I would have missed out on the husband I have and the children I have and Lord knows what else. If you can't live for yourself, think of others. When it's your time, let God take care of that task. A smile, a kind word of encouragement or sharing a similar experience could save a life. If nothing else, it will help someone in need know that they are not alone. Share!!!!
You are living united!
Sharon,
Thanks for writing about this event, and sharing your thoughts about how we can all help each other. There is a lot of need in our community right now. Solving such complicated problems can seem daunting. You're right, though, that every little bit helps. Being an active part in the community - talking with our neighbors and having an open heart - can sometimes go a long way. For the good of each individual in our community who struggles, and for the good of the community as a whole we need to think of ourselves as one. This is especially true during this time when ordinary families are faced with extraordinarily difficult circumstances.
A Reason To Be Kind
I agree with the blog on being kind. With the economy the way it is today, we never know what someone might be feeling or going through. I was reading an article on the train this morning and it's just not foreclosures that's driving people to suicide but credit card debt as well. You have to keep in mind that when you're going through a situation, you have to believe that you will make it through and just know that you can only do your best . At the same time you have to remember that you still need to live and enjoy life and do things to help you feel better, Even if it means treating yourself to a manicure or ice cream cone once a week. You have to put yourself and people first and everything will work itself out. You also have to realize that just because things seem pretty bad at that particular moment that if you share your story with someone it might help them to make it or give them hope that things will be okay and that their current situation is only temporary.
Often times families aren't as tight as they should be and won't share their life experiences with one another because they are shame or feel bad about themselves, but in today's economy we need each other more than ever. I usually tell people to focus on the good things and be thankful for those until you have passed through your situation because there is someone in another part of the world who might be in a worse situation.
I recommend that everyone watch "The Pursuit Of Happiness". It will give you alot to think about.
Your comments are so true...
United Way of America's LIVE UNITED campaign comes not a moment to soon, truly this is a time to join together as a community and be one. Anonymous, Liz and Stefanie your comments are so true.
Stefanie's point about credit card debt is also shocking to me. While foreclosures are getting a lot of media attention-credit card debt is also burdening many people down and leading them to further over-extend themselves. Many homeowners have rolled credit card and other debts into their mortgages driving their once "managable" payments through the roof.
While foreclosure is nothing new, the numbers of people who were deceived by lenders and realtors is staggering and reminiscent of the the great depression. I hope the return of tight knit families and communities comes soon because it is needed.
*commenter is on staff at United Way
A Reason To Be Kind
You also have to remember that alot of people wanted to live the "American Dream" which makes everyone think that you have to own a home and because many don't want to wait until their finances are in shape, they have been dealing with these mortgage companies that are getting them loans by "ANY MEANS NECESSARY" which usually locks the buyers into interest only loans and then when it's time to pay the principal as well the home owner discovers they can't afford a $4,000 mortgage. Some people even have more than one mortgage and often times can't do a refinance for one reason or another. I guess the message here is to talk to people you know and let them know it's okay to achieve the "American Dream" later in life and be able to afford it rather than rushing and getting excited and regret it later.
Achieving later in life...
So true, the pressure to achieve the American Dream as soon as possible and by any means neccessary is rampant and probably the main reason that hardworking moderate income and minority groups are targeted. This mortgage crisis is making people re-evaluate what THEIR Dream should be a not be defined by what society says is "The American Dream." It's perfectly OK to wait to make large purchase, it's OK to save over a period of time and it's OK to buy when you're ready.
The coersive tactics of lenders, in conjunction with realtors and attorneys has been exposed and the generations who are witnessing will not soon forget.
Foreclosures Suicide
Maybe you should send these stories to the Loan Servicing companies who make ordinary people feel that there is no way out. They are gaining by taking the homes of hardworking people try to save their homes and now they are causing these ordinary people to feel that suicide is the only way out.
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Anderson smith
Massachusetts Treatment Centers
Reason to be kind
When you know of a friend that is in need, kindness and emotional support is what helps that less fortunate person know that there is hope for a better future. Without any understanding from family and friends, it is extremely difficult to cope with all the stresses that are part of losing a home, not knowing where to turn, what tomorrow will bring, and the shame associated with what has happened. That American Dream is gone-quite a heavy load to bear. Suicide is seen as the only way out, and such a tragedy- If only there were programs for people in this situation - a group of people in similar situations to talk, help each other-and listen without judgement - this may prevent even one suicide- hopefully all suicide. There is strength in numbers, and to be alone in this is a ticking time bomb for the severely depressed.
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